Jika suatu hari berjumpa, masa kecilku

Sejenak tadi telah aku mengatakan "Assalamualaikum" kepada Bude dan Pakde-ku, yaitu Nenek dan Kakekku yang tercinta, dan kendalanya adalah fakta bahwa dalam waktu nanti rumah keluarga, yaitu rumah Bude dan Pakde-ku yang sangat kucintai akan ditinggalkan, dijual. Bukannya saya ingin mereka tidak melakukan itu, tpai saya ingin. Karena usia yang telah memberatkan hidup mereka menyusahkan hidup dalam rumah yang besar seperti itu. Namun kembali keucapan "Assalamualaikum" itu. Setiap kuucapkan Assalamualaikum berarti aku akan pergi, entah melakukan apa, pergi sekolah atau apapun, dna saat kuucapkan itu kepada mereka, Bude-ku yang sedang bermain dengan kucingnya yang imut sambil menyisir rambutnya dikit demi sedikit, kuambil tangannya dan kukecupkan ke keningku, lalu Pakde-ku yang sedang menggosok giginya dengan lugunya dengan giginya yang bolong-bolong tersenyum bahagia dengan gosok gigi di tangan kanan dan tangan kirinya di keningku, hal-hal tersebut membuatku merasa betapa tuanya mereka dan.. tak perlu ku-ucapkan lanjutnya.


Selesai mengecupkan keningku ke tangan mereka ku berjalan keluar kamar dan mengucapkan Assalamualaikum dalam hati, mencuri pandang ke seluruh bagian rumah yang dapat kulihat, karena kutahu tempat yang mengisi awal hidupku akan sebentar lagi hilang, tempat terciptanya kenangan-kenangan campur-aduk rasa akan hilang, disitulah dalam kepalaku mulai ku bernafas berat, hidung terasa sesak dan mata buram. Hening bersedih didalam kegelapan menghadapi fakta, fakta yaitu mungkin inilah kenangan terakhir yang terbuat di tempat ini, canda-tawa terakhir yang kudengar di meja makan, terakhir kali melihat kamar buyutku, terakhir kali berkumpul bersama saudara-saudara disitu. Beratnya masa-masa hidupku sekarang ini, banyak pilar yang runtuh belakangan ini dan yang berdiri tidak cukup untuk menggantikan yang runtuh.

Tapi seperti biasanya aku tidak akan kalah, aku akan menopang semuanya sendiri, menjaga diriku agar tidak terlalu lama berlutut didepan kenestapaan dan dengan gesit aku berdiri tegak dan tinggi lagi. Karena ada alasan untuk selalu berdiri kembali.
Masih banyak yang ingin kutumpahkan di kertas dunia maya ini. Namun waktu tidak berpihak, dan perutku juga.

Lalu, itu baru saja jatuh keluar (jelek banget ya di indonesia-in)

Ardi,

we dream, we all dream

this night, i saw a movie, which, left me in pieces, whole. it reminded me how important i am to myself, and to my parents, how they wish me to become something amazing. I know i can reach, but, it seems like i cant find the will, i talk big but i act small, it’s always been this way.

 

 

So, the movie i saw, ‘sang pemimpi’, the dreamer, which, in title, is so much me than i could ever imagine, ever since i stepped foot in high school, i dreamed like never before, i have found my everest, but yet, i climb like i was jus told to. when i spoke to this person, she said, ‘aim for the moon and you’ll shoot the stars’ I love this quote, its so amazing, yet again i cant find myself aiming.

And, i thought my life’s goal was to find that girl who puts the color in my world, who, i think i have found but, yeah, being me, trying to entice such an artist aint a walk in the park, though *ahem* i am happy with the slightest stroke of her brush.. anyways… find her, live a happy family while keeping at my peak for as long as possible. But, things change, gravity was not a fixed thing in my life, one time its standard, and one time i cant even lift myself up, just there on my knees.

Because of gravity i have a new goal, a goal that used to be an optional thing but now is a primary objective, and that goal is my parent’s, i have a goal, that would make them smile like they own the world when they say ‘that’s my son.’  I always want to change, so that the check boxes in my ‘list of goals’ can be checked.

But in that movie, the main dude let his father down, and thats what made me to pieces, i dont want that, because of so many things that have happened. I dont want to let him down, or my mother down, or myself down. I will aim, and i will shoot, and i will run down that path that i will make, and be happy where i truly am.

and maybe even sway that artist hehe.

so as much as i rant, and detest, and complain, and whine, and such, theres always that tune, that moment, where gravity lightens. and anyone who actually reads my blog, im sure that gravity is on the heavy, life will always give way, if you let it and try, a ball goes into a goal because you aim, you check your power, and kick that damn thing (ya of course!) well, you get the point

 

whoever reads this, itjustfellout

 

 

side story, the reason i love english, is not because i hate indonesia, both languges are intricate and beautiful, but english is just something that my dad taught me when i was still a kid, and indonesian is a different thing all together, so yeah thats why, now i want to learn french, one because i want to, two because my school has that language for a class, three because its a beautiful language and i have the accent, sort of, four you cant know hehe ciao!

okay, ahem

gila ya nih lagi screwed banget kompi gw.. sorry dude but i wanna get a new computer D: better save up for a sleek and cool one like a dell or something… everything is going wrong man, schedule is screwed, computer is screwed, modeling is screwed, gaming is screwed, LIFE IS SCREWED ARGH

 

 

 

….*huff*…

 

onto the rants… well, least i can still open stuff with mozilla, somthing is wrong with google chrome… IT CANT OPEN DAMN GOOGLE.. like wtf? and it wont even open blogspot! each of my browsers cant open damn blogspot! it can before, and now it cant, it will be able to open it again, but oh! IT CANT OPEN IT AGAIN,

 

 

haduuuuh what am i supposed to do!! ARGH

 

that concludes todays rant

 

 

 

…i think

TEST POST

test post, first time posting with writer, ahay,

 

 

hidupku sedang suram, here comes the great train of depression

Male wayang

Arios Update

tuh pic2nya, just pics, if you demand more words and shit, follow this link


linknya kaga mau kluar lagi, nih di copy paste aja sori ya

http://modelersunited.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=49

this is where i post my WIP on my blog, just pix

and important announcement

I EFFING LOST THE EFFING BEAM SABERS EF IT


THIS POST IS AN EPIC FAIL

Death is something elusive

As a normal chat turns into a talk about someone leaving, it is not uncommon for me to cherish things even more, and to lose that feeling almost instantly. I take thing's for granted and i should not have, thing's need to be hold tight, from the smallest of item's to the person we love the most. But here i am talking about an angel taking away a life, sending that person to the resting place to await the end.

Not just long ago, i received news that a father of a friend has been called to go back to Allah SWT. I was shocked, to know my friend is now without a guide in this life, a guide, that brings food to the table, a guide that will push you forward always, a guide that always wants what is best for you. So i will pray, that he wont lose his way, and that he wont forget his guide. Death is something so common yet so rare.

Death easily elude us in our daily lives, i go to school, play games, sleep, not thinking about how close that angel is to my soul. Not knowing when Allah will call me to go back. And when this kind of thing happens i always try to change my ways, try to find a brighter path for myself in this world. But Alhamdulillah i still have my guide, to show me what is right and wrong, he is the person that brings the messages of my god and teach me what is in that message. My eyes water as i think of death slowly caressing him, like now.

I would give my life for him if the time calls, but he would be sad, and he would give his life for me, but i will be sad. Sometimes the world gives no happy ending until we all die. The end is the place of true happiness and worth giving up things in this one. I only wish for everyone to be happy. Be it that death had touched them.

Because we all deserve to be happy. So i wish everyone good luck, in their pursuit.


It just fell out,

Ardi